Wednesday

 

It’s HUMP day!

I’m having a bad morning so far.  And a not so great last week or so.  Darren and I are no longer seeing one another, on his request.  It really hurt my feelings, more than I expected.  So I’ve been dealing with that.  I’m really tired of being hurt.  Tired of putting myself out there and being shut down.  Really tired of it.

I’ve had the boys all day, pretty much everyday, which has been hard.  They are constantly in my things.  I have a cedar chest my uncle made me for high school graduation, and they got into it and made a mess.  It’s full of stuff from my childhood, high school, the boys’ baby stuff.  Lots of my little trinkets and stuff are torn up.  It’s silly I know, but those things are a part of me, and it really made me mad.

I really don’t have much to say, I’m trying to stay out of a funk/depression type mood, but it’s hard.  I’ve been out to run a few times, which helps, mainly because I focus on not getting hit by cars rather than all the other things in my life.

Last night I posted a bunch of old pics from church camps and youth rallies from the 1990s (on facebook), and it was fun laughing at them and our clothing attire with old friends.

I have a $250 water bill!  ACK!  Which mine is normally around $40.  And even during this month period, we were camping for a week!  So the water peeps are coming out to see if there is a leak, and if so, I have to pay to fix it.  So I either have to fix a leak, or pay the bill.  Nice, real nice.

I still have to get a new lawn mower, I now officially live in a jungle.  UGH.

Maybe I really should move out of this house and let him have it.  Every month I keep having to put money out for stuff.  And I have an entire list of things that need to be done (weatherstripping on the door, paint, etc), but can’t afford to do it because I’m having to get a new water heater, or a lawn mower.  UGH.

Mike is coming to get the boys, so I actually get a “day” off.  Wow.  I’m going to see my dear friend Chastity, who was in a bad accident, spent a few days in ICU.  She has a long road to recovery still.  Please pray for her and her family.  Heather and I are going to Target and who knows what tonight.

I’m wanting to take the boys to the beach in August, before school starts.  I’ve been looking at places to stay in gulf shores, destin, etc.  Any suggestions?

I’m off to try to make my day better!  I forsee it starting with a starbucks!

 

Put a fork in it!

 

 

What does a girl need to feel better? 

 A night with her bestest friend Heather!!!  We worked off some energy (anger) at the gym, chilled in the whirlpool.  And now, I made Janet’s kick ass famous salad, grilling some yum yum ribeyes and baked potoates, and Bud Light Lime. 

To  top it off, fresh strawberris, yummy angel food cake, and french vanilla whip cream!  LOVE IT!

 

Peace

 

“I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace,”  Helen Keller.

I don’t if the rain has calmed me, or a great night last night.  But I feel at peace, a calmness.  Like a heavy stone has been lifted off my chest.  I wouldn’t call it being content, as there many things that I am not satisfied with.  But then again, I have no control over many things, so maybe I am content per the level of control I have?  Wow, I’m getting deep with myself. 

I have many things to be thankful for.

First, my boys.  I don’t know who I would be if I didn’t have them.  They keep it real, keep me goofy and down to earth.  I love each one of them for something special that is in each one of them.  I love seeing them learn and discover new things.  Seeing the world through their eyes just really simplifies things.

Family.  My family has been wonderful.  My parents are so supportive of me, wanting me to continue my goal of my Masters in Nursing, wanting to see me happy, and the boys be fruitful.  My sisters are just beautiful.  Ashely, poor soul, is just like me.  Loud, goofy, sarcastic, and just fun.  Stephanie is due with her first child in May, and she is just glowing!  And dear Joshua.  Sigh, protecting his big sister, telling the dudes to back the F*** off from me.  What love.  What love.

Friends.  I’ve made such good friends in the last few months.  I have friends from years ago (back in the day, ya know!) so are supportive and listen.  One from the last few years who I’ve gone to school with and entered a new career with, and have strengthen our friendship by bringing our children together for playtime.  And the ones from the recent months, who many have also recently gone through a divorce with children.  They all have enforced and reiterated my strengths to me.  Have made me a stronger person, have been concerned for me and my happiness.  They really do care.  And I must say, I haven’t laughed as hard in all my life as I do when I’m with them!  I love y’all!

My job.  I really am blessed.  I am able to work 5 days in a 14 day period and am able to support my household.  So I am able to be a stay at home Mom during the week with the boys, and yet still work.  I love what I do, and like to think I’m good at it.  I know I don’t know everything in my job, by no means, but I look to each day as an opportunity to ask questions and learn new things.

Michael.  Yes, are you surprised?  Without him I wouldn’t have many of the things and people above.  Having him allows me the time to go out with my friends and to work.  He is able to take the boys for me.  I am blessed that the boys have him, as they love him dearly.  We do fight many days, ok, maybe not fight, but get testy with one another, but I think for the most part, we do try to get along.  The whole divorce and dating thing is a bit odd for us yet, since it is all still new.  I hope our friendship and our parenting only grows over the years.

I think the boys are asleep.  The dogs have been out.  I’m going to open my bedroom window, get a book and read myself to sleep.  Oh, with some hot chocolate (don’t forget the marshmallows).  *Deep Breath* Exhale*Sigh*  Goodnight All.

 

Funnies and Great Sayings

Things that have been said or heard:

I’m Heather, and I’m drunk!

Damn those limes in the tequila!  They get me drunk everytime!

Damn that Dr Pepper in my Crown and Dr Pepper!  It gets me drunk everytime!

I see the squirrels!  They are coming out of the sprinklers on the ceiling!

I’m not drunk!!!

OMG I almost stepped on the cat!

You’re so fabulous you pee glitter!

Mama, I luv you.

The Chinese food has no MSG!  But it does have funny juice!

How do you nurses stay up all night?  We pass the crack pipe.

I love blackberry pie.

I love the wind

You’re the best Mommy in this house.

I’m now ACLS certified to take care of your old ass!

Velvet thongs!

Where is the Asian chick and the Milk girl?

Please return to Room 905, Westin Hotel

Yes, I chop my own firewood.

PIGEONS!!!!!!!!!!  (ok, I just spit on my screen with this one)

MIDGETS!!!!!!!!!!  (again, more spit)

Stanky leg

Ahhh, the thigh rub

It’s a pencil eraser!   NO!  It’s a number four calulator button!

swINGGGGGGGGG

Yes, it’s the end of February and my Christmas tree is still up!

Goodnight, Oh Gracious One!

Cowboy Up!

My Mom is dancing on the bar again.

I love you Mama.

I want a big ass margarita!

 

Hello gorgeous

One of my favorite movies, Funny Girl.  I haven’t seen it in years, maybe I’ll go buy it today.

My life is so good right now.  I miss blogging, but really haven’t FELT like blogging.  I really have taken a break from my computer (ok, ok, except facebook), but to all my pals, friends, and Mommy Rockers, I miss you very much!

Wow, I just looked, NEW YEARS!  Wow!   How much stuff has happened since then.

Trash talk first (I know you want to know).  Mike and I have fought and argued, came to an agreement, and fought again over custody and the divorce.  It really wasn’t that bad actually.  Some mean things were said on both sides, but encouraging things too.  We’ll make it and try our best to be kind for the boys.  He needs to go sign the papers, and then the divorce decree will be taken to the judge and signed.  Viola! 

I went through some rough periods here and there the last few months.  Did some partying, craziness ya know!  But that’s not me, and I felt like another person, who I am not.  But in the recent weeks, through my wonderful and dearest friends, I have been reminded of the woman I once was, and am slowly starting to find.  I love it.  I love laughing with them, dancing, being involved in my life instead of watching it go around me.  My self confidence is coming back, my sense of humor, my ability to be strong for myself and others, instead of living in a vat of self pity and misery.  You really don’t realize how you were, until you get out.

I physically feel good.  I can wear a size six now.  YES A SIZE FREAKING SIX!!!!  I haven’t been that since before  moved here!  I love it!  Of course I still have that mommy gut and butt and legs, but who cares!  LMAO!  I try to go to the gym 3-4 times a weeks, working my way up to 5.  I love it, I feel so much better being all sweaty and feeling my muscles work!  The kids love it too, they have a great child day, where the do kid fit and take the older kids out and work with them on physical activities.

My bestie girl friends and I took a trip to Memphis at the beginning of February.  It was awesome!  Just awesome!  I have a ton of pics, but here are just a few.  We drank and ate and danced and drank all night!   It really was a blast.

 

 

 

I really don’t know where I’d be today if I didn’t have my friends.  Chris, Heather, Karen, Franni, Heather, Carissa, LindsEy, Chas, Renee, Samantha, Val, Wendy, all my online Mommy pals  my Hoff and Ranter girls, Allen, James, Phillip, Greg, and so many more.  Some are old, some are new friends.  Each one holds a place in my heart.  They have been there for me and checked if I’m ok, offered their help and ears, hugs and shoulders.   All y’all are wonderful!

I’m not sure about moving yet.  I really do love living here.  As I said up above, my friends have been really wonderful to me.  I know all this divorce shit sucks, but all I want is what is best for the boys.  In that, I cannot forsee taking them away from thier dad.  He is an good Dad, and the boys love him dearly.  I don’t see how moving them away can be better for them, depsite my family being there if we move.  It’s such a tough choice.  The boys and I are going to Nebraska next week, first time I’ve been home since October 2004.  Can you believe that?  Timothy has never even been to the great flat land.  HA! 

I’m not posting about the boys today, maybe later.  I just want y’all to know (if you are still reading) that I am really great.  I’m in a good place (after fighting with the flu) right now.

 

Me

I’m doing ok.  Really I am.  I have been to therapy, and that helps.  I have met with a lawyer and have been dealing with that kind of stuff.  I still get really emotional, especially at night, when the kids are in bed, and it’s more lonely.  But I am ok.  And I will be.  I’m slowly cutting off resources and emotions for stuff and being more independent.

Tonight is girls night!  Just a couple of us are going, so I’m excited.  In February a BUNCH of us are going to stay over night in Memphis, out on Beale Street, which we are ALL excited for!

I have lost some weight (22 pounds in fact).  I weigh less now than when I first got pregnant.  Of course then, I had more muscle!  I’ve started to go to the gym, even getting on a team for a “dare to be lean” challenge.  I bought a wii fit!  I am eating healthly, most times.  But never drink enough water!

I still love my job.  I love weekend option, even though my weekends are shot, I love being off for 5 days during the week with the boys.  It was a good decision for me!  I’m researching other BSN programs that I can do, since my plans to start in the fall at Tech have gone through.

I want to thank all my friends, both here local and out of state, my in real life friends, online pals, and those who I’ve known back in the day who have all been supportive with thoughts and words of advice.  I take each one of your words and listen very carefully!  I love each of you and thank you for being there for me.

 

P.S.  Yes, my Christmas tree is still up

 

Thanks Kelly!

My new friend got me this the other night at work!  So sweet!  Oh!  And some yummy Dutch chocolate ice cream!