Funnies and Great Sayings

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Things that have been said or heard:

I’m Heather, and I’m drunk!

Damn those limes in the tequila!  They get me drunk everytime!

Damn that Dr Pepper in my Crown and Dr Pepper!  It gets me drunk everytime!

I see the squirrels!  They are coming out of the sprinklers on the ceiling!

I’m not drunk!!!

OMG I almost stepped on the cat!

You’re so fabulous you pee glitter!

Mama, I luv you.

The Chinese food has no MSG!  But it does have funny juice!

How do you nurses stay up all night?  We pass the crack pipe.

I love blackberry pie.

I love the wind

You’re the best Mommy in this house.

I’m now ACLS certified to take care of your old ass!

Velvet thongs!

Where is the Asian chick and the Milk girl?

Please return to Room 905, Westin Hotel

Yes, I chop my own firewood.

PIGEONS!!!!!!!!!!  (ok, I just spit on my screen with this one)

MIDGETS!!!!!!!!!!  (again, more spit)

Stanky leg

Ahhh, the thigh rub

It’s a pencil eraser!   NO!  It’s a number four calulator button!

swINGGGGGGGGG

Yes, it’s the end of February and my Christmas tree is still up!

Goodnight, Oh Gracious One!

Cowboy Up!

My Mom is dancing on the bar again.

I love you Mama.

I want a big ass margarita!

menheather

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