Monthly Archives: April 2009

Put a fork in it!





What does a girl need to feel better? 

 A night with her bestest friend Heather!!!  We worked off some energy (anger) at the gym, chilled in the whirlpool.  And now, I made Janet’s kick ass famous salad, grilling some yum yum ribeyes and baked potoates, and Bud Light Lime. 

To  top it off, fresh strawberris, yummy angel food cake, and french vanilla whip cream!  LOVE IT!


April Showers Brings May Flowers



I normally really love May.  It’s my birthday month.  It’s springtime.  It’s my time. 

I’m going to get out of this funk, some way some how.  I will not become the Janet I was a few months ago.  I’m better than that. 

What does one think of during the last days before their birthday?  The last year of course.  Thankfully I have this blog to use to go back. 

First and foremost, Health.  Thank God that I have good health and so do my boys.  Besides a nasty bout of flu that had me in bed and the boys eating pizza for four nights, we have been really healthy.  I’m very grateful for that.  I know many families with children and the parents themselves severely and even terminally ill.  I am blessed with three (over ornery) healthy boys.  Very destructive boys might I add.

My job.  Thankfully last year I was able to get my RN degree and am in a position where I can work two to three days a week and support my boys, and not have to put any of them in daycare.    I do love my job, and hope to start in a Masters program within the next year.

Really, anything else, who cares?  I have a nice car, a good house, but do those things really matter?  I guess it’s a privilege to have them, but they are not needed.  I am thankful to have them though.

Of course the big news is my divorce, which is still going on (arguing over child stuff).  It sucks, but I’m over it.  He’s moved on, I’ve moved on.  It just needs to end.  It really does.

I’ll reflect more over the year and my birthday (because remember, May is all about ME).

And my Birthday is May 24th.  I never get flowers (it’s been 8 years?), love shoes (size 9.5), and large gaudy bags.  Jewelry is nice too.  Oh, and maid service.  🙂

A Dream Within A Dream

A Dream Within A Dream by Edgar Allan Poe
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow–
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand–
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep–while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?





Cannot describe how you made me feel

Cannot paint our passion out on canvas

Cannot voice the way my heart soars when I hear your voice

Cannot illustrate the way my face smiles when I see your face

Cannot explain the depth of my feelings for you

Cannot expound upon the hope you have instilled in me

Cannot justify our actions

Cannot depict the emptiness I have without you

Cannot show how I’ve laid in bed all day crying

Cannot recount the number of times I’ve looked at my phone, waiting

Cannot display my sorrow for losing you

Cannot depict the hope that I have for your happiness, however that may be

Can heal me, slowly through time


I miss



i miss

 being a wife

having someone to ask me how my day was

having a family meal


laying in bed with someone that loves me

holding hands


little calls throughout the day

date night

family drives

going to bed with someone

waking up next to someone

kisses throughout the day

private jokes

i love yous

being held

asking what someone want for dinner

I hate being alone.  Even with a ton of friends, I still feel lonely.