“I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace,” Helen Keller.
I don’t if the rain has calmed me, or a great night last night. But I feel at peace, a calmness. Like a heavy stone has been lifted off my chest. I wouldn’t call it being content, as there many things that I am not satisfied with. But then again, I have no control over many things, so maybe I am content per the level of control I have? Wow, I’m getting deep with myself.
I have many things to be thankful for.
First, my boys. I don’t know who I would be if I didn’t have them. They keep it real, keep me goofy and down to earth. I love each one of them for something special that is in each one of them. I love seeing them learn and discover new things. Seeing the world through their eyes just really simplifies things.
Family. My family has been wonderful. My parents are so supportive of me, wanting me to continue my goal of my Masters in Nursing, wanting to see me happy, and the boys be fruitful. My sisters are just beautiful. Ashely, poor soul, is just like me. Loud, goofy, sarcastic, and just fun. Stephanie is due with her first child in May, and she is just glowing! And dear Joshua. Sigh, protecting his big sister, telling the dudes to back the F*** off from me. What love. What love.
Friends. I’ve made such good friends in the last few months. I have friends from years ago (back in the day, ya know!) so are supportive and listen. One from the last few years who I’ve gone to school with and entered a new career with, and have strengthen our friendship by bringing our children together for playtime. And the ones from the recent months, who many have also recently gone through a divorce with children. They all have enforced and reiterated my strengths to me. Have made me a stronger person, have been concerned for me and my happiness. They really do care. And I must say, I haven’t laughed as hard in all my life as I do when I’m with them! I love y’all!
My job. I really am blessed. I am able to work 5 days in a 14 day period and am able to support my household. So I am able to be a stay at home Mom during the week with the boys, and yet still work. I love what I do, and like to think I’m good at it. I know I don’t know everything in my job, by no means, but I look to each day as an opportunity to ask questions and learn new things.
Michael. Yes, are you surprised? Without him I wouldn’t have many of the things and people above. Having him allows me the time to go out with my friends and to work. He is able to take the boys for me. I am blessed that the boys have him, as they love him dearly. We do fight many days, ok, maybe not fight, but get testy with one another, but I think for the most part, we do try to get along. The whole divorce and dating thing is a bit odd for us yet, since it is all still new. I hope our friendship and our parenting only grows over the years.
I think the boys are asleep. The dogs have been out. I’m going to open my bedroom window, get a book and read myself to sleep. Oh, with some hot chocolate (don’t forget the marshmallows). *Deep Breath* Exhale*Sigh* Goodnight All.