Tag Archives: children

As the World Turns

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It’s amazing to scroll back through my old blog posts … and see how much I’ve grown and changed over the years.  I’ve made some posts private, but did leave many of the ones where I poured my heart and soul out.  Dealing with a divorce and depression is difficult, and I hope maybe someone will scroll across them … and find encouragement and strength.

It’s awesome to look back things I said … wanting to teach, getting my Bachelor’s and then my Master’s degree.  I’m doing all that.  Yes, I’m living my dream!  I’ve been teaching nursing, this being my fourth year … and I love it.  I have my Master’s degree (December 2015), and now I am enrolled and working on my Doctorate of Education.

My husband and I have been blessed in our home (did an expansion for more rooms!) and travel (we LOVE cruising).  The kids are amazing …

No, my life isn’t peaches all the time.  But I wouldn’t change it any … well, of course … I would always take more shoes and purses! 🙂

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Timothy Peyton

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What a man!  He is such a doll.  Everyone tells me that there is no way I could deny him, as he looks just like me.  I wish I had written down some of the silly things he has said to me lately.  He is sooo funny, he just cracks me up.  It’s been hard this last week, having all the boys home for summer vacation, as I’m so use to just me and Timmy hanging out.  I love him!!!IMG00008

I hate the snow

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This is my first visit to Western Nebraska since October 2004.  I’ve seen my Parents and sister Ashley several times over the years, either meeting in Wichita or they came to see me.  It was hard to get away while I was in school, and harder to travel with three boys.

I’ve been blessed with a job that I am now able to take off for a week and really not miss work, so of course I decided that spring break would be a good time to go visit.

Since my separation and pending divorce, people have asked me several times if I am going to move back home.  I don’t know, and still don’t know.

As I was leaving Hot Springs, and driving up highway 270, I found a peacefulness in the hills and curvy roads, they endless trees and small towns.   I thought, this is my home now.

I love living in Hot Springs.  I love my house.  There are 4 houses on our street, the three on the lake and mine.  It’s small, needs some work, but I love it.  The boys can play outside and for the most part don’t have to worry about traffic.  But believe me, those that speed down my road get an earful from me.  The landscapers and other service people for the homes at the end of the road know not to race down our road.  One of the homes at the end have security come through several times a day.  We have a great spot on the lake for our boat, a dock we can go hang out on.

The boys love their school.  We were blessed to be able to get an affordable home in one of the best school districts around.  The teachers and staff have been wonderful in all aspects of Brennens and Zacharys time there.    Go RAMS!

I love my job.  I’ve been around enough to know that no matter where you work, there will be bad things and good things.   There will be great people and bad people to work with.  You just need to know how to deal with them.  Thankfully in all my years of  management training and advance training, I learned how to deal with people and not let it bother me.  I am blessed to have a job, where I only work 2 days a week and can support my family.   I also am able to pick up extra shifts if I need to.  I float in the hospital, so I am able to learn many things and advance all my skills.  I really truly love it.  And most of the time, I really enjoy everyone I work with, they all have great aspects to them.  Most important, I have made wonderful friends there who have been so supportive to me during the last year.  Heather, Karen, LindsEy, Francesca, Heather, Wendy, Carissa, Megan, and many others.  I love you all!

I love the seasons in Hot Springs.  I don’t care for the winter, it’s cold and gray.  But the rest of the year is fantastic!  I love the lake, it’s so beautiful.  We are blessed with wonderful scenery.  I know there are many places I have not seen, and intend to visit many this summer.

I’ve learned that I feel good after I workout, and have started to enjoy running.  Granted, I can’t go very far without my legs and lungs feeling like they are on fire.  But we are working on that.  I’m going to buy a bike and a bike rack here soon, so the boys and I can take advantage of the many biking areas.

Scottsbluff.  It’s a great place to raise young kids.  A small close knit town.  As I drove through, I noticed not much has changed.  Many of the businesses have the same signage they did years ago.  Some buildings have a fresh coat of paint, or have been changed into a totally different business.  But it’s all the same.  The speed limit on all the roads is 25 mph.  Yes, that kills me.

It’s been wonderful to see my family.  I haven’t seen Stephanie or Josh since 2004.  Stephanie is still with her boyfriend Doyle, who I only spoke with once years ago, to chew his ass out for dating my sister.  We’ve made amends, and I see that my sister is happy and he takes good care of her.  That’s all I care about.  They are expecting a baby boy in May.  I’m so excited for them!

Josh is still Josh.  Works for my Dad.  We have had a great time together.  I don’t think he realized how cool his big Sis was!   He is great with the boys, and they absolutely love him!  He has two dogs, Cashmere and Domino, that he has trained like little children.  It’s too cute!

Ashley, well is Ashley.  She is loud like me, sarcastic like me, and a goof like me.  How is the world handling two of us?  She is still in school and still dating Chris, who adores her.  The WNCC Cougars didn’t make it to the basketball finals this year.  Hopefully she’ll get to go next year!

My Mom and Dad are still the same.  I love them both and they have been so supportive of me.

The boys cry for their Dad at night.  When we are at home, they ask for their Dad during the week and I can drive them over to his work so see him.  They don’t understand how far away we are from him and we can’t just drive over to see him.  That’s been hard for me here.  I don’t want to deprive them of anything, much less their Dad.

I won’t make an official decision on moving until closer to the end of my divorce.  I need to focus on my Kids right now.  But there are many things and people that I truly love in Arkansas that I’d miss dearly, and that really makes my choices hard.

Time will tell.

I want to Move It Move It . . .

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The past few weeks have been an interesting time for me.  Actually the last few months.  I’ve learned things about myself that I can’t divulge right now, but maybe I can later.  I learned what type of person I am and am not.  I’ve learned, thanks to some great friends (both old and new) that I am worth something, that I am beautiful and a good person.  I don’t need certain people or things or activities in my life to make me a happy person.

Things that I have blogged about (check back around the end of November and December), having a family, growing old with someone I love, and making memories of a good life have not changed.  At all.  I still want all that.  I just know that I don’t have to be a certain way or do certain things to get that.  I deserve more respect than I have asked for.

I know what it is like to be loved and to love.  To have that mutual respect and feeling on all levels.  I want that and will be waiting for that to come to me, for as long as it takes.

I have seen a side of Michael that I feel sorry for.  I can’t go into any of it, nor do I know if I ever will.  I wish him well and will never say a cross or harsh words about him in front of his boys.  They love him dearly and worship him greatly.  I thank him for the years we had together, and the boys that he gave me, and the opportunities he has given in my life.

I’ve decided that I want to Move it Move it! (yes I can’t get that song out of my head either).   I’m going to keep moving on with my life, loving those I love and doing what I love and being with those who love me.  I will give my children all the opportunities life can give.  I have learned to stop yelling at them, and listening and talking with them.  I have wonderful children and am cherishing every moment I have with them.  I will be ok.  I have learned to live and love life again.  Thank you for that.