Tag Archives: divorce

As the World Turns

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It’s amazing to scroll back through my old blog posts … and see how much I’ve grown and changed over the years.  I’ve made some posts private, but did leave many of the ones where I poured my heart and soul out.  Dealing with a divorce and depression is difficult, and I hope maybe someone will scroll across them … and find encouragement and strength.

It’s awesome to look back things I said … wanting to teach, getting my Bachelor’s and then my Master’s degree.  I’m doing all that.  Yes, I’m living my dream!  I’ve been teaching nursing, this being my fourth year … and I love it.  I have my Master’s degree (December 2015), and now I am enrolled and working on my Doctorate of Education.

My husband and I have been blessed in our home (did an expansion for more rooms!) and travel (we LOVE cruising).  The kids are amazing …

No, my life isn’t peaches all the time.  But I wouldn’t change it any … well, of course … I would always take more shoes and purses! 🙂

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Me

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Soooo, what’s up with me?

Nothing.

The End.

Ok, ok.  I kid.  I start school today too!  I’m taking chemistry, ugh.  But it brings me closer to starting the RN-MSN program (Masters degree!) this January.   I’m excited!

Still not divorced, yeah, don’t ask.

Not dating, or going out much!   Just waiting for that someone special to be in my life!   Although I have a date with some awesome gals tonight for some wings, beer, and karoke!

What else?  I work, play Mommy, housekeeper, taxi driver, chef, and all that.  That’s my life in a nutshell!

I. Need. Shoes. Stat!!!

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I have a massive urge to get a new pair of hot high heels!  If any of you want to help, I wear a size 9.5 (yeah, big feet).  I love crazy shoes!  Thanks!

I feel like in the last couple of weeks that I’ve calmed down.  I got that wild streak out of me that I’ve been doing for the last few months.  Don’t think I still don’t want to go out and have fun, cause, well if you KNOW me, I love having a blast and laughing.  But sometimes laying on your kitchen floor and laughing with your best friend is just even more fun that going out!

I know what I want in life, for my boys, for me personally as career goals, love life needs, and who I want to be, and what kind of person I want to be with.  And I won’t settle for less.  I deserve it.  I sure damn do.  And I’ll wait forever until I can get what I want!  (hello spoiled brat!)

My boys have been horrible lately.  I guess the divorce is effecting (affecting?) them, and they are showing out because of it.  I had Don put locks on my pantry door so they stop getting all the food out.  Yeah, like dumping a box of pancake mix, squeezing out all the jelly, eating all the cereal, etc .  They already cost me a bundle in groceries, but when I keep having to re-buy everything, then that adds up! 

I really reached a low point this week with them, I had to call friends to come over and help, and thankfully they rushed right over (love ya Heather and Don!) to help.  I guess I’ll go to the book store and find a parenting/divorce book for some advice.  Do any of you have any advice?  I’ll take all that I can get!

Never found my stolen stuff, except the boating tube was in the field next to me, but that’s not mine, so I really don’t care about that.  I had someone come out and mow my yard, and it looks so much nicer.  I may have him come out and do the back and trim up some more stuff this week, since I don’t have the tools to do it now.  Although I did buy a weedeater!  And a drill!  LOL!

I really want to go see my family, I’m hoping they’ll meet me in Omaha or Witchita again, it makes it easier to drive 8 hours rather than 19!!!

Other than that, I’ve been doing ok.  Have had some dissappointments, but am keeping my head up and heart full of hope.  That’s all I can do.  🙂

Wednesday

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It’s HUMP day!

I’m having a bad morning so far.  And a not so great last week or so.  Darren and I are no longer seeing one another, on his request.  It really hurt my feelings, more than I expected.  So I’ve been dealing with that.  I’m really tired of being hurt.  Tired of putting myself out there and being shut down.  Really tired of it.

I’ve had the boys all day, pretty much everyday, which has been hard.  They are constantly in my things.  I have a cedar chest my uncle made me for high school graduation, and they got into it and made a mess.  It’s full of stuff from my childhood, high school, the boys’ baby stuff.  Lots of my little trinkets and stuff are torn up.  It’s silly I know, but those things are a part of me, and it really made me mad.

I really don’t have much to say, I’m trying to stay out of a funk/depression type mood, but it’s hard.  I’ve been out to run a few times, which helps, mainly because I focus on not getting hit by cars rather than all the other things in my life.

Last night I posted a bunch of old pics from church camps and youth rallies from the 1990s (on facebook), and it was fun laughing at them and our clothing attire with old friends.

I have a $250 water bill!  ACK!  Which mine is normally around $40.  And even during this month period, we were camping for a week!  So the water peeps are coming out to see if there is a leak, and if so, I have to pay to fix it.  So I either have to fix a leak, or pay the bill.  Nice, real nice.

I still have to get a new lawn mower, I now officially live in a jungle.  UGH.

Maybe I really should move out of this house and let him have it.  Every month I keep having to put money out for stuff.  And I have an entire list of things that need to be done (weatherstripping on the door, paint, etc), but can’t afford to do it because I’m having to get a new water heater, or a lawn mower.  UGH.

Mike is coming to get the boys, so I actually get a “day” off.  Wow.  I’m going to see my dear friend Chastity, who was in a bad accident, spent a few days in ICU.  She has a long road to recovery still.  Please pray for her and her family.  Heather and I are going to Target and who knows what tonight.

I’m wanting to take the boys to the beach in August, before school starts.  I’ve been looking at places to stay in gulf shores, destin, etc.  Any suggestions?

I’m off to try to make my day better!  I forsee it starting with a starbucks!

April Showers Brings May Flowers

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I normally really love May.  It’s my birthday month.  It’s springtime.  It’s my time. 

I’m going to get out of this funk, some way some how.  I will not become the Janet I was a few months ago.  I’m better than that. 

What does one think of during the last days before their birthday?  The last year of course.  Thankfully I have this blog to use to go back. 

First and foremost, Health.  Thank God that I have good health and so do my boys.  Besides a nasty bout of flu that had me in bed and the boys eating pizza for four nights, we have been really healthy.  I’m very grateful for that.  I know many families with children and the parents themselves severely and even terminally ill.  I am blessed with three (over ornery) healthy boys.  Very destructive boys might I add.

My job.  Thankfully last year I was able to get my RN degree and am in a position where I can work two to three days a week and support my boys, and not have to put any of them in daycare.    I do love my job, and hope to start in a Masters program within the next year.

Really, anything else, who cares?  I have a nice car, a good house, but do those things really matter?  I guess it’s a privilege to have them, but they are not needed.  I am thankful to have them though.

Of course the big news is my divorce, which is still going on (arguing over child stuff).  It sucks, but I’m over it.  He’s moved on, I’ve moved on.  It just needs to end.  It really does.

I’ll reflect more over the year and my birthday (because remember, May is all about ME).

And my Birthday is May 24th.  I never get flowers (it’s been 8 years?), love shoes (size 9.5), and large gaudy bags.  Jewelry is nice too.  Oh, and maid service.  🙂

Words

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Words

Cannot describe how you made me feel

Cannot paint our passion out on canvas

Cannot voice the way my heart soars when I hear your voice

Cannot illustrate the way my face smiles when I see your face

Cannot explain the depth of my feelings for you

Cannot expound upon the hope you have instilled in me

Cannot justify our actions

Cannot depict the emptiness I have without you

Cannot show how I’ve laid in bed all day crying

Cannot recount the number of times I’ve looked at my phone, waiting

Cannot display my sorrow for losing you

Cannot depict the hope that I have for your happiness, however that may be

Can heal me, slowly through time

 

I miss

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i miss

 being a wife

having someone to ask me how my day was

having a family meal

snuggling

laying in bed with someone that loves me

holding hands

hugging

little calls throughout the day

date night

family drives

going to bed with someone

waking up next to someone

kisses throughout the day

private jokes

i love yous

being held

asking what someone want for dinner

I hate being alone.  Even with a ton of friends, I still feel lonely.